Monday, August 8, 2011

Factually Incorrect Humor

I prefer my jokes to be based on facts.  Here is one that isn't (and my humorless replies, suitable to the humorless joke that civilization became when it died).  (And another version.)


Your car is German.  (Mine is indeed an import; I had a Ford until it got totaled; if hunting season were longer someone might have bagged the doe that was waltzing on the freeway before I hit her.)

Your vodka is Russian.  (Can't stand the stuff.  The word "vodka" probably originated in Poland.)

Your pizza is Italian.  (Semantics.  Heavy-cheese low-veg pizzas are really an American thing, but leftover veg on flatbread is indeed Italian.)

Your kebab is Turkish.  (Uh-oh ... kebabs originate in Persia.)

Your democracy is Greek.  (The Greeks had a sensible democracy with a limited franchise.  Universal male suffrage is a Franco-American corruption.)

Your sauna is Finnish.  (Go Finland!)

Your coffee is Brazilian.  (Probably should have skipped this one.  Dozens of countries export coffee.)

Your movies are American.  (My movies are British.  I'm interested in neither vampires nor serial killers, thankyouverymuch.)

Your humor is Jewish.  (This is the truest item on the list.)

Your electronics are Chinese.  (Maybe, I usually see them credited to the Japanese.  The import innovations were all American.)

Your numbers -Arabic.  (Hindu, actually.  Oops, second time an Indo-Aryan invention has been assigned to someone else.)

Your letters -Latin.  (True.)

Your tea is Tamil.  (See "coffee", above.)

Your shirt is Indian.  (Oh.)

Your oil is Saudi Arabian.  (Not my fault, but true enough.)

And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant?  (Hmm...

No...

I fled to an area with low crime and it just so happens that none of my neighbors are immigrants.  If I lived next to the charming Chinese family who runs the second-best restaurant in town, I doubt I would have any complaints.  If I had unpleasant immigrants for neighbors I wouldn't complain anyway since many employers would fire a white man for speaking his mind, and many immigrants would get violent with him.  I have a family to provide for and I can't do that while unemployed, in the hospital, or in prison fighting "hate crime" (self-defense) charges.

In case the person making up this joke didn't know it, kebabs, shirts, and saunas don't reproduce.  If they did reproduce, it's not entirely clear to me that the first generation of US-born kebabs, shirts, and saunas would commit crimes at rates several times higher than their parents.

The rate of kebab-perpetrated violence is negligibly low in any case.  Shirts and saunas, on the other hand, can be downright brutal.  See, I can be funny too!  It's just that my jokes don't make light of the physical and demographic persecution of the decent, ordinary descendants of a once-great, spacefaring, inventive, generous civilization by the Mexican mafia, Islamic extremists, Islamic moderates, and the like.)

9 comments:

Annie L. said...

"In case the person making up this joke didn't know it, kebabs, shirts, and saunas don't reproduce. If they did reproduce, it's not entirely clear to me that the first generation of US-born kebabs, shirts, and saunas would commit crimes at rates several times higher than their parents.

The rate of kebab-perpetrated violence is negligibly low in any case. "

This is why I love you.

Also "kebab-perpetrated violence" would be a good band name.

jewamongyou said...

If your joke is based on fact, a leftist will be offended and say, "that's not funny".

Olave d'Estienne said...

You guys are great! Thanks for stopping by.

hbd chick said...

well, the obvious retort is that you don't have to import people to import goods/items (i.e. all the things on the list).

wouldn't it be great, tho, if kebabs did reproduce?! not so fast that we'd be knee-deep in them ... but just speedy enough to keep up with the global consumption rate. (^_^)

(d*mn. now i'm hungry.)

Dominion of Canada said...

This is the kind of dumb-assery that passes for debate on the Left.

My coffee is from Africa because Africa has a tropical climate, therefore I should be ok with my country coming to resemble Africa socially?

You don't even need to point out that their examples are factually incorrect (Russian vs. Polish vodka, etc); their whole premise is retarded!

Georgia Resident said...

Incidentally, most of the products and ideas they mentioned were European in origin. The ones that weren't were either non-European but Caucasian (Indian numerals),trivial (ethnic foods, nice to have but not worth giving up a stable and safe society), East Asian, or they were the result of natural resources (oil in Saudi Arabia, coffee from Brazil, etc.) In other words, nothing in there really to support the idea that massive Hispanic and Black immigration is a good idea.

Anonymous said...

"The rate of kebab-perpetrated violence is negligibly low in any case."

But not kebab-perpetuated violence ... if one lives in Marseille!

Olave d'Estienne said...

Hey, I'd fight over a decent shishkebab any day.

Yes Georgia Resident, you've hit the nail on the head - the humorous list of quasi-facts is intended to get us to accept more Muslim, black, and Latin American immigration.

I'd rather rediscover who invented commando-style guerilla war and long-range Mauser rifle technique for use on the Veld, and that let those folks immigrate.

Ken Westmoreland said...

The 'Latin' alphabet is partly Greek - K, X, Y and Z are Greek, while J was an offshoot of I